The Transformational Power of a Steamy Love Letter

By Brian Vaszily, Founder of

Okay, so the love letter you email or handwrite to yourself doesn’t HAVE to be steamy … but if it ends up that way, that’s between you and yourself. No one else needs to know.

But seriously folks…

The point of this powerful little intense experience is that the one person we’re typically the hardest on, the most critical of, and frankly the rudest to, is ourselves.

Consider the following:

Throughout any given day, in what tone up there in your head (or out loud if you like to talk to yourself) do you tend to address yourself?

Are you typically kind, forgiving, easy-going with you? OR are you more so stern, judgmental, even rude to you?

Throughout any given day, are you telling yourself things that would boost anyone’s self-esteem or are you more so pushing and shoving yourself, getting on your own case, even berating yourself?

Because we have a great tendency to be hardest on ourselves, our own worst critic and friend, of course that alone can deaden our ability to achieve our goals in health, relationships, finances, career and beyond.

Of course that can stomp all over our ability to feel as happy as we should feel.

To understand this, simply imagine you treated someone else you are supposed to care about the way you treat you.

Imagine you spoke to them in that stern or downright rude way you often “speak” to you in your head!

Imagine you tried to drive them relentlessly the way you try to drive you … imagine you demanded the same perfection of them the way you demand perfection of you.

OF COURSE you would drive the self-esteem of this person you “cared about” into the ground. OF COURSE you would crush their spirit and cripple their ability to succeed at what they would otherwise succeed at!

But, because you are not treating yourself with the utmost kindness, understanding, patience – and LOVE – that is precisely what you are doing to you.

So it’s time to treat the person you should love the most – which by the way naturally enables you to show your love to others around you so much more – with the respect, praise, devotion, kindness – and passion, if you choose to go there -- you deserve.


This is easy to understand, interesting and enjoyable to do, and personally quite beneficial…

Simply write yourself a love letter.

And then email it or mail it to yourself. And later on – not right away, mind you, but at least hours and perhaps several days later – open it and read your love letter.

Now, you can type it and email it to yourself, that is probably the quickest way and it is effective.

But for an even more personal feel – to “connect” with what you are writing at an even more intimate level – try writing the letter by hand. You deserve the extra time and attention!

Be even kinder and write the love letter to you on fine stationery paper if you choose this route. Use a deluxe pen… you are certainly worth it! Heck, even scent the paper with your favorite cologne or perfume (or air freshener if that’s more your style).

So just what should you write in this love letter to yourself?


As you prepare to write or type the love letter to yourself, again step out of yourself.

Look upon you as someone who knows you very deeply – and who ADMIRES you deeply. Someone who, though they know you have faults like the rest of us, is aware of your positives and wants to sing your praises.

What would “they” write to you?

In other words, it is (long past) time for you to focus on all you are and do that is worthy of love and respect! And as this person who knows and admires you deeply will attest in the letter, YES, there is a lot to love and respect.

What aspects of your personality will you praise in your love letter? Which get “soft” praise, and which aspects of your personality are so magnanimous that they get the big praise?

“Dear Self, you always try to find the humorous side to things, you are always ready to laugh, even when things seem rough…”

What have you accomplished in your life – and in the past year, and in the past week and today – that is worthy of your admiration?

“Dear Self, you have always retained your commitment to raising a good son, even in those times where it seemed like the complete opposite to him and there was no one else there to see it…”

Yes, you can even address physical attributes as is common in love letters.

“Dear Self, you’ve worked hard to tone those arms and they are starting to look good. And nice butt, by the way…”

And how do you therefore want to treat yourself because of all these things you are that are so worthy of love, respect, kindness and praise? What do you want to do for you?

“Dear Self, I am so sorry for being harsh on you so much … it is just that I care deeply about what happens to you. But I commit right here to try my best to be more forgiving of you. To be patient with you, Self, when you make mistakes. And I commit to making sure you get to relax more …”


Write your love letter to yourself -- the more praise you have to gush about you the merrier (the record, at least that I know of, is a dozen pages!) – seal it with a kiss (disinfect that computer screen before kissing if you typed it), and email or mail it off to you.

Truly, if you took the time to write it by hand, place it in an envelope, put some XOXOs on the envelope, place a stamp on it, address it to you and mail it.

And again, wait at least hours later if you emailed it, but ideally a day or several days later whatever route you chose, to read your love letter to you.

Anytime later is a good time, but the best time to open your love letter to you is when you are having a bad day.

Read it with the same attention and care that the author put into it!

And periodically -- again especially if you are having a stressful day, a down-on-yourself day – reread it. And reread it later again.

I likely don’t even need to tell you what to expect when you write this love letter to yourself, and when you read it.

But here’s a hint anyway, just because I feel like writing a little bit more: you will feel the love. You will realize you don’t deserve to be as hard on you as you likely often are. You will realize you are amazing … and worthy of whatever you most desire in life.

And quite capable of achieving it.

One final thing: when you read the love letter, and every time you reread it, be sure to respond by giving the person who wrote it to you a big hug. They definitely deserve that for pointing out all those truths about you!

To Your Intense Experiences,

Brian Vaszily
Founder of